Day 11 - Final Mash-Up

My traditional last-day cry for help came yesterday, so I don't have much to rounding up to do. The critical reaction continues to be luke-warm, though people agree that the Golden Bear winner, the Turkish film BAL, was a credible one. Weirdly, the critical reaction to JUD SÜSS was along the lines of "hm, it's a problematic portrayal that lacks a clear vision" rather than "It's a piece of shit created by an insane idiot." Which I found surprising. The mixture of embarrassment, despair and nihilistic delirium sort of engendered an entirely new emotion. But the best film was still Banksy's EXIT THROUGH THE GIFT SHOP.

But the Berlinale is a brilliant institution, and the people of Berlin still love it, as this year's record ticket sales - 270,000 - show. So here's a good tribute: "Mashup trailers", created by a Berlin film student. Selected Berliners dance out the logo.

And in 3D

Day 10 - That Damned Asterisk

 

MAMMUTH - forget all this art bollocks, just give me an extremely fat Frenchman on a motorbike. Absolute genius.

The competition is about to reach its annual orgasm of tiny, shiny bears, but don't ask me for predictions. Despite my determined efforts to neglect the rest of the festival this year so that I'd have an informed opinion at this stage, I find that I have only seen eleven of the twenty competition films.

So I have no idea who will win what and when I find out, there is a good chance I won't know who the fuck they are. I might as well have been at a jazz festival in southern Ukraine. Buggery bollocks. Why is this, even though the doorman with the earring and the posh glasses at the Berlinale Palast began to show unnerving familiarity whenever I hove into view? It's because of that bastard asterisk next to the title - the asterisk designating that although the film is 'in competition' it is in fact 'out of competition' - that asterisk makes the film a kind of Schrödinger's Cat, and I am drawn to the paradox. So I saw nearly all of them.

So, with my half-knowledge, here's my prediction/advice to the jury: just give all the bears to MAMMUTH, the vehicle for Gerard Depardieu's 'Wrestler' role. It's apparently the only funny and moving film that has not been slapped with a restraining order and ordered to stay at least 50 metres away from the competition and never phone it.

Here is the assessment of a German who has seen all of them (except he apparently wrote it yesterday, and so missed En Familie, The Killer Inside Me and Mammuth.) He reckons the Berlinale competition has become an embarrassing parade of mediocrity, and blames festival director Dieter Kosslick for "not understanding anything about art" and the selectors for being under the influence of certain distributors - interestingly, he identifies a German company responsible for five of the official selections.

Like this esteemed German, I also found a lot of the films a bit boring. But when it comes to choosing his favourite, it turns out he likes Caterpillar second best, an experience which I found similar to being repeatedly punched in the face by an angry child. So there you go. The competition is probably as good as it's ever been, this bitter bastard is probably just jealous of Kosslick, and it's all a big bag of bollocks anyway.

DAY 1 - Snow causes chaos in the north

 

The Opening of the 60th Berlin film festival, 2010

It's the snowiest Berlinale in living memory. At least in my living memory, which lasts about six months, then it lies down weeping in the cold. Jesus, it's snowy. I stumbled around, blinded alternately by big white lights and snow, was molested by a Filipino doorman in the Hyatt, scrambled past some photographers on the red carpet - briefly coming within clutching distance of Joschka Fischer, of all people (he was with a fit bird) and saw one of the SS officers from Inglourious Basterds (the one who notices the wrong three fingers) - tried to work out which of the other Germans milling around might be famous (it's so hard isn't it? They all look equally beautiful/neurotic) - and singularly failed to blag my way into the opening film, which was the Chinese movie TUAN YUAN - "Apart Together." (Isn't it poetic that the words for 'Apart' and 'Together' apparently rhyme in Mandarin? Or maybe that's one of those false film titles like they do in Germany, when they think translating the actual film title would be too dificult, as in The Holy Grail being Ritter des Kokusnuss or Airplane! being Die Unglaubliche Reise in einem verrückten Flugzeug, which really is explaining too much or like Avatar, which in German is Avatar - Aufbruch nach Pandora, as in Avatar - Going To Pandora. Imagine if that were the English title. Hello, I'm an Avatar, and fuck me it looks like I'm going to Pandora. I don't think it would've broken any all-time records then. That would've wiped that smug look off James Cameron's shiny face. So maybe TUAN YUAN just means 'Spaghetti Lego' or something.) But I did see the trailer for Tuan Yuan, because I was near the big screen outside. It had a car in it. And some people laughing. Looks brilliant.

Berlinale Hits 60

Ahoy there, you people, and welcome to the EXBERLINER's annual Berlinale blog!

Yes, sail with me, your own EXB correspondent, in the fluctuating, desperate, crazy world of the 60th film festival. Take temporary leave from your job, tell your family you will be home by Christmas, and dip into the silver magic forest full of colourful bears.

So the festival is turning 60 this month. But 60 is no age. Just ask my mum.

So what's good this year? Well, if you need recommendations, this is a good place to start. The EXB's very own interviews with its favourite film-makers at this year's festival.

In the competition, I'm looking forward to Roman Polanski's The Ghost Writer, mainly because my mate Stuart is in it. You can see him in the trailer and everything (left of Pierce Brosnan's head at the airport.)

Then there's Howl, all about Allen Ginsberg, not be confused with Greenberg, by the indie director Noah Baumbach, the man who made The Squid and the Whale, which everyone says is really good.

Obviously, I haven't seen any of these films yet. But that's the whole point, right?

By the way, if you're interested in the history of the festival, why not read this very informative and entertainingly written whistle-stop tour. It covers all the major scandals and features a picture of a woman smoking and balancing on a load of men.